HOPE

"Hope" is the thing with feathers - (314)

By Emily Dickinson 1830–1886 Emily Dickinson
 

“Hope” is the thing with feathers -

That perches in the soul -

And sings the tune without the words -

And never stops - at all -........

         Hope if such a small word with such large implications.  If one is diagnosed with a chronic, degenerative, crippling disease with no cure, no medicine, or positive outcome, HOPE becomes a very large word. Losing hope equates with depression which I've dealt with in the past four years.  I was always an optimist and had a positive outlook, but when MS returned (I was in remission for 19 years) to alter my capabilities and deprive me of a future doing all the things I love to do, I've found it difficult to maintain a positive attitude.  In my retirement (which I had to take a couple of years earlier than planned because of MS symptoms that interfered with teaching) I envisioned traveling-which is difficult to do when one cannot walk unaided more than 25 feet, dancing-which is now impossible since my feet won't obey commands, and taking our grandchildren on trips-which is not feasible since I am not mobile enough to walk around with them and my husband, but MS has robbed me of those dreams.  Although I can still drive, I barely go to a store by myself anymore because of the inconvenience of getting the rollator in and out of the car and the fatigue I experience after a short distance of walking.

         When I learned of Hematopoietic Stem Cell Transplantation for the treatment of MS, I regained HOPE,  For me, it might not restore all the lost capabilities mentioned above, but at least I have " hope".  About 20-30% of patients who go through HSCT do not experience halting of the disease; therefore, I am grateful to have many friends praying for me that this treatment will halt the progression of MS for me.

          To have HOPE again is huge.  I go into this treatment, knowing that it is a difficult procedure, and I will not regain my health status that I now enjoy for many months, and I won't truly know what positive outcomes I might achieve for 12-18 months.  I'm willing to endure this because it is the only HOPE that I have been offered.  HSCT is the only treatment that is offered with a proven positive outcome for MS (and other autoimmune) patients, and I, therefore, am eager to undertake this medical adventure.